For someone with severe anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder, every day was a battle. But I found a way to heal myself
Lead photo by Elroy Jon Ilagan courtesy of Don Velasco
The recent pandemic is still fresh in our memory. We all went through a lot and I don’t think anyone was spared from the physical, emotional, and mental anguish it brought.
Aside from COVID-19 itself, a struggle that more people became familiar with is mental health. Now don’t get me wrong, this issue is an old one. However, current events have made it more acceptable to talk about. This is a far cry from what I went through almost a couple of decades ago. Back then, mental health was something that people struggled with privately.
To cut a long story short, back in my college days, I went through severe anxiety and this manifested in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Every day was a battle. My fear of germs, getting dirty, and even physical interaction hindered me from living a normal life. I felt like I needed to control every single aspect of my life—from what I touched and where I went to who I spent time with. It was not a nice way of living and there were days when I didn’t want to leave the house or even live altogether.
Every day was a battle. My fear of germs, getting dirty, and even physical interaction hindered me from living a normal life. I felt like I needed to control every single aspect of my life
As a result, my grades took a hit. I would have graduated with at least a cum laude distinction but one year was just so bad that I ended up with an honorable mention instead (it was still something I was extremely grateful for and proud of by the way).
I was in denial at first but eventually, I accepted that I needed help. This was the most important milestone that happened because it catapulted me into the road to recovery. I got help from a psychiatrist to help me understand my condition. Basically, I was going through an underdiagnosed problem that many experience, too. I’d go so far to say that most people even go through rough patches like this in their lives, just at varying degrees and intensities.
The author with his son preparing for another racecation weekend
Some people—because of triggers, their current situation, genetics, and other external factors—are more susceptible. Whatever the cause, what’s important is to know when you need help, and how to get that help.
My road to recovery was rather quick. I went on antidepressants, I got some exercise in, I openly talked about my struggles with my doctor, and the next thing I knew, I felt much better. I started to feel normal. In fact, this whole endeavor was something I ended up being thankful for since it kickstarted my athletic career and my change in lifestyle. There would be no triathlon for me without this difficult stretch in my life.
My road to recovery was rather quick. I went on antidepressants, I got some exercise in, I openly talked about my struggles with my doctor, and the next thing I knew, I felt much better. I started to feel normal
For more than a decade, I was living my life normally. I had some bouts of anxiety but they were far from what I struggled with in the past. I lost sleep occasionally since I’m a worrier but I never thought I needed professional help again—until the pandemic happened.
To frame the whole situation, prior to the pandemic, I already had bouts of worsening anxiety. I’d associate this with the growing responsibilities brought about by being a husband and new dad. Most of which were normal and expected; however, I guess I’m just wired differently compared to most.
Dealing with anxiety doesn’t mean going through it alone | Photo by Elroy Jon Ilagan
The knockout blow for me was the pandemic obviously. I was not only scared of getting sick, I feared for my family and my ability to provide for them. I tried my best to look for other “side hustles” but these also brought about new sets of challenges and problems that really broke down my mental health. There were times when I would question whether living each day was worth it; at times my answer was “no.”
Luckily, an athlete of mine was going through the same problem and advised me to talk to a psychiatrist once again. The convenience of online consultation made it more attractive as well. This is not a sponsored post in any way but I messaged One Telehealth Clinic on Facebook and looked for Dr. Cheng. I explained to her my symptoms and history and from there we worked on a solution that worked for me.
I know that I have to live with, deal, and manage my anxiety and OCD. I also know that I am not alone
On top of this, I contacted HelloHappy, an online therapy service offered by my psychologist friend Ghia Nabong. At first I didn’t realize psychiatrists and psychologists were different, but I eventually understood how they complement each other.
After a few months of treatment, I’m much better now and thankful that I have access to wonderful people who helped me recover. Despite this, I know that I have to live with, deal, and manage my anxiety and OCD. I also know that I am not alone. It’s normal for people to go through struggles with mental health and well-being.
Each person has their little quirks, issues, and traumas. What’s important is that we know about it, seek help, and take our healing process seriously. With this in mind, I hope I was able to help some of you with my story. Heal well.